Posts filed under: ‘cheating‘
Our fine 2009 pg.6
I began to be stressed pass my limit, although I hated it, I began to seek council about the severe depression. Some say I deserve better and some tried to figure out a way to help me cope with the odd relationship with my married husband. I always wanted to figure out how and when did he gain so much power over me. He had my emotions controlled by his own personal remote. I really loved him. So much time was passing by and on some days it would look like things were getting better and other days it looked hopeless. He would come by to talk and just visit us, November 3rd 2009 he comes by, knowing I was mad at him, he stands behind me holding me, and ask me did I feel him. These feelings just rushed through my body, kinda like he transferd something into me. I was a fish that got caught on the hook! I loved that man so much, after one touch, whatever it was, I was no longer mad at him! November 10th 09 he came over he didn’t talk about much, it was all bull to me, he was too concerned with humping, I guess it was ok, to me sleeping with him just tied up my emotions. I told him I didn’t want to be committed to him, but he took it as if I said nothing. He is so funny sometimes, he will act as if doesn’t hear you if he doesn’t like what you are saying. I still wonder how and why I let things get so serious. Even to me, my life had become mysterious and I wasn’t sure of who I was. The year was pretty much wrapping up. One day I act as if I didn’t care and the next day I have to know his every move. Nov11th 2009, I am so embarrased about this date, he called me we were talking, but for some reason he sounded odd to me. So I asked him who was he with and where was he at. He fussed a little bit and asked me did I want to come and see. I got my kids and the keys, ran to him while he was at Mcdonalds with some kids, just to see if he was telling the truth to me. I said I didn’t want to be committed to him, but I surely chased him that day!
He bought the kids and I some food and he left to go take some kids
back home. I was so embarrassed, but I guess love can make you do embarrassing things! November 18th 09 I asked him to get me some sonic and he did, he bought some for the kids too. I still loved him, but didn’t want to continue to be his secret anymore, man I hated myself. I was wishing that I wasn’t such a fool in love. He doesn’t even treat me right! I felt useless all I knew how to do was cry!! I wished I could reclaim my life, nobody knew how bad the pain felt. Why didn’t he love me back, I knew he cared for me, but I wanted a better love, a love I deserved! Why did I even let this happen. My feelings flip flopped so much. I felt like I just couldn’t take it anymore. Nov.21st 2009 Is one of those days when that man really got to me. I was so mad at him. He called himself trying to hang another woman over my head. That did not sit too well with me, the thought alone I just couldn’t handle. He came over that night looking and smelling so good, he was drunk, but it worked
in his favor because he was good.. I hated myself for loving him so much,
just when I “thought” I was leaving him he started some bullcrap game. I
realized that some lady liked him and he had balls enough to tell me that he was going to call her, and I told him I didn’t want him to and that I will give him what he wants and needs. It was very sad, but true, I quickly gave in, I couldn’t allow another woman to touch him! I asked him how could he even let her in on what we built together. I didn’t understand out of everything we went through, why did he even know her number. He pissed me off, I started calling him that night around 8:45 he didn’t answer so every ten mins or so I would call him again, his ass finally calls me back around ten, saying “hellooo honey” I was mad as hell at him! He claim him and his friend went to Henry Hudson and drank. He hurried up and brought his butt over, he came in the door looking so nice. This very day I still remember what he wore that day! To be honest I don’t know if I believe that he was with his friend. He has not ever not picked up his cell phone for a whole hour, but owell I was no saint. I was hurt and very jealous and could not handle the game he was trying to play. He gamed me right back into his arms! Wow now how the heck did that happen? He made it up to me I wasn’t as angry anymore. The 23rd of November around 3pm he came to eat the meal I cooked for him. I cooked him mac& cheese veggies and a steak, he loved it! He kept wondering why did it take me almost three years to cook for him. I don’t know why, I guess I wanted to do something nice, something new to bring us closer as partners and friends. I loved him, but I wish we had
more time together. I did enjoy everything and every moment that we shared. I called him later that night, right before midnight he seemed kinda tired and worked up, he said he had been talking to ” her ” cousin since 9:30, about the whole dramma at hand. He said he let her know about some decision he made and he let her know that he does have a daughter with me and about some texts I sent ” her “. He is let it be known why I sent them, but anyway I guess I began to ask too many questions so he got irritated and tried to fuss. We said goodnight and we would talk tomorrow! Nov.25 th2009
I saw him that night, it was nice all the kissing and other stuff, it was so sweet.
We had a really nice time, and that night the damn protection came
off. That was around the time when I thought he was tripping out, when he held our baby girl, he begin to get the feeling of wanting more kids, but he also knew that I didn’t want anymore. That wraps up that year. Christmas was nice, he gave me money for the kids, we didn’t have any fight, so all was well, but you and I both know that it didn’t last long. See you in the next chapter!
1 comment September 19, 2010
The pregnancy pg. 3
Okay were pregnant things are sweet for the moment he is so happy and can’t hide it. He tells me I’m his Jr. wife, he provides protects and does everything a husband is suppose to. It wasn’t all good, we broke up about a thousand times and fell back in love within a few days, sometimes a matter of minutes. In case you are wondering does “she” know yet, well I was at a party before the pregnancy and he decided to spray me, its where one showers you with money, “she” was watching so it made her ask him was I his girlfriend. From then on “she” began to play detective. We have had phone arguments at times. “She” called me once around the end of the year in 2007 threatening to kill me, in hopes of scaring me away, but by then I was in love with him, not to mention five months pregnant, so really didn’t have the strenghth to argue with her. The fatter I got the futher he got and that just killed me. I was very depressed some days and some days happy. My emotions went on how I was treated by him. I began telling my Dr. The situation and all that I was going through. She was the sweetest, most loving Dr. I ever had. She was so worried about me, I didn’t blame her, at times that man took me through hell! She wanted me to start takeing things, but I refused. Although she knew about my married husband, she still thought my hormones played a role, maybe so, but I knew she didn’t fully understand being pregnant and committed to a married man. During some point in the pregnancy he makes me mad, and I called the Sr. wife and let her know that he and I were having a baby that he begged me for! Oh boy he was pissed, it didn’t last long he came running back to my door, demanding that I be good! Maybe I was wrong for this, but I remember calling her and telling her that it wasn’t his baby, I can still hear her now “you made my day, so you will leave him alone and fine the real baby’s daddy”? “She” didn’t know that he is the only man that I have been with. He tried to let her know that I was only making a fool out of her, but she had her heart set on thinking it wasn’t his baby, damn I love DNA!!!!!! Ok yes I was wrong, but it was funny at the time. I kept being bad so eventually I lost my allowance. So I have our son, 2/2008 he is a Jr. I remember him coming to see us, he was all over me hugging me saying that it felt good just to hold me, wow I remember like it was yesterday. April 8th 2008 he calls me and ask me if I like white or yellow gold. By April 12th I was calling her again letting her know he had just left my house and what color underwear he had on. She seemed not to like that and begin to tell me that I seduced him, and I was pregnant before I met him! Wow that would of been one long, scarey pregnancy, clearly she was in denial. He was pissed, but as usual he was back at my door step by April 17th. Anyway through the year of 2008 we got closer, we fought, but made it and got stronger. April 30th he put a ring on my finger, I was such a spoiled bratt, I complained about it being too small, I really hurt his feelings and I felt so bad! He bought me a wedding ring, that made me feel important, I felt like I had a symbol of our covenant and that made me love him even more. I felt it in his soul that he loved me and that alone completed me! Yet the dramma doesn’t stop, there was a wedding reception he invited me to in July 08, he loved showing off the pretty, young wife. “She” decides to show out that night, catching him talking to me in the hallway “she” decides to send her anger my way by calling me out of my name. I guess she thought we were on the telephone and I was going to sit there and take it! She loved to call me a slut, so I go to her table and go smoothe off. I called her every bitc* in the book, I let her know that she was just mad that I gave him a son and she can’t, I told her when the DNA test comes back she will be crying. I bet you guys are wondering what he was doing, lol he just sat there begging us to stop. That was a Saturday he called me Sunday asking what happen and by Monday he’s in my room pumping and sweating telling me how much he loves me. By 9-29-08 I was crying my heart out. I was so hurt, he really let me down. I needed something from him, he told me he would do it, but didn’t, it angers me now thinking of it, but as you know we worked things out. We had a few more fights before the year was up, but wait until you hear what happened next!
3 comments July 26, 2010
That next moring pg.2
The next morning, my wondering mind gave him a call, we began to have small talk. At that time I had been dating someone else for about six months, but he lived two hours away. I stayed strong and denied him for a few months, and letting him know that I don’t have time for a married man or any dramma, but in the process of denying him, I was still going out to lunch with him and talking to him all the time. We talked three times or more each day. He would bring me money and food to my job he would drop everything to see me. One night I decided to give into his request, but he didn’t take me serious, so he never showed. It was 2-8-07 Thursday night the first time I gave in and we got romantic!!!! I was so ashamed, I knew at that moment my relationship with God had been ruiend!! I went to work the next day so distrought my friend knew something was wrong when she asked me I just began to cry! So in order to not feel like a whore or one night stand I allowed it to continue and from then on he was stuck to me like glue. Around April 07 I stop working, and that provided so much time for him and I. I mean seriously, I would wake up and be ready and waiting because I knew he would come pick me up by 11:00am. Things moved so fast, we got too serious. He wanted me to commit to him and I wanted to be with only him. We began to grow on each other. Love had built some very high wall around us. I don’t know how a baby came into the topic, but he began to talk about it by March. Sometimes I read my diary and see where I was pleading with myself to leave him alone, telling myself I am worth more and that he is a devil just trying to use me, I prayed over and over not even realizing I was already pulled in. “She” and I had no contact with each other at that time so he and I were living the life! I got to a point where I found myself wanting a baby! He and I actually began planning to have a child, but the thing, the crazy little thing with him is that he actually thought I would hide the pregnancy. He only had one daughter at the time and was dying for more kids, but truly assumed no one would know about the baby. I let him know up front that he must be out his damn mind and that I wasn’t going to hide anything, he can do what he wants, but I wasn’t feeling it. I guess he didn’t mind because we continued to have a baby. I was so gone in the head I actually found myself sad because I wasn’t getting pregnant fast enough. I thought I couldn’t have kids. It had been a while, my son was six and my daughter was five, yea right by June I was pregnant with his son!
Add a comment July 26, 2010
